Friday, December 27, 2013

Cranky Old Man


I came across this poem on a nursing forum website--allnurses.com. 
This was a much needed reminder. Lately, I have been dreading going to work. I am sick of being a CNA. I feel like a maid. Call lights going off every 5 seconds and me rushing to answer them on time.One grumpy patient can ruin a whole day. Patients and their families are almost always cranky and demanding. Sometimes its hard to put their bad mood in perspective--after all, I am there to help them. Why be rude to the person who is helping take care of you? Sometimes I focus on only the task on hand--not on the person I am working with. It is sometimes easier to ignore their bad mood than to challenge it.  It is too easy to get caught up in routine and not REALLY see your patients for who they are. Especially as a Nursing Assistant--its hard to take extra time to really get to know them.

As I approach the start of school I needed a little reminder of why I love my job. I needed some motivation to be the best possible nurse I can be. Its not just about me finishing school--its about giving quality care to my patients. All I can say is one day when I am cranky--I hope whoever takes care of me sees me! Be nice to the grumpy old people!

Cranky Old Man
What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Silent Nacht


Each year at the end of Christmas, we blast this song in honor of my Aunt Rene. Its our official goodbye song for the Holiday Season and gives us a reminder of how blessed we are. 

 Every year as I sit in the glitter of lights from the tree I can't help but think about the past year. I always wonder what things would be like if my aunt was still here. What would she be like? I did meet her, but I was not old enough to remember her. It always makes me sad that she missed out on seeing her family grow up. She missed out seeing what great people me and my brother have become. My brother is looking into becoming a police officer--I wonder what she would have thought about that!? From what my mom has told me about her--we would have loved her a lot. Just as she loved us. 

All I can do now is ask myself if she would be proud of where I am? Married and in Virginia? I am not sure about the first two--but I am sure she would be more than excited that I have finally got into Nursing School! She has given me and my family many opportunities from her death. I cant imagine the kind of decisions that she made before she passed--I can only see that she truly loved us and wanted to make sure her family was taken care of--even those who weren't born yet. I can't help but feel grateful for how much she loved me and take advantage of what she did give me. I full scholarship to college. 

This year as I listened to this song, I felt both motivation and sadness. I felt motivation to push my way through the next few years and graduate. I want to excel these next few years. Although it makes me sad that I never got the chance to get to know her--I have a loving aunt who left money for me to accomplish my goals. Along with her gift, I am lucky enough to have amazing husband here to support me through school. I truly feel blessed this holiday season. 

 I know that is what she wanted for me--and that is what I want for myself. I know that she continues to watch over me and keep me safe. 

Rest in Peace, Rene. We all miss you. 

Monday, December 23, 2013

Start of the Journey

Hello!

Lately I feel like my life has been crazy. A few months ago I moved across the country--from Portland, OR to Virginia Beach, I got married to a wonderful man, and the most recent blessing--Acceptance into Nursing School! I feel like my life has kicked into overdrive--and I am anxious to see what challenges are ahead of me.

With all all of my struggles through the end of my high school and my start of college career I had no hope that I would get into nursing school on my first time applying. The information session about the program gave me little hope that I would be accepted. My overall GPA is not terrific,  but the last few terms I have worked hard to keep my science grades up. Even though I had low hopes of what would happen with my application-- I applied anyways. The worst that could happen was they would not accept me into their program. I kept making back up plans. I looked into many different programs to make sure I would get into a program somewhere--anywhere. My husband constantly told me not to second guess myself. "Just wait until you hear from them. There are exceptions to rules all the time." Of course, I blew off his words of encouragement and continued to sulk.

I guess I should have believed him (he is almost always right...). I opened my acceptance letter to Tidewater Community College on November 18, 2013.  Now I have to hear 'I told you so' at least once a week. But who cares? I am officially accepted into nursing school! It is all worth it!

My cohort begins January 13, 2013!! YEEEE! I am full of lots of emotions--anxious, nervous, excited. I am ready to start school and FINALLY become a nurse. I seem crazy that everything finally seems to be falling into place. I have been researching what I should expect and looking over my books. I am trying to prepare myself for what I should expect. Also, I think I am just excited to start my classes. Reading over some of the material makes me so excited.

I have been praying a lot lately. Praying that god will help get me through school these next few years. My college record hasn't been the best--and I know that I need to work my butt off to succeed in this program. I have to jump through all the hoops and obstacles they throw at me. The good news is I have an amazing husband who is willing to help motivate and support me through the next few years.

I have heard many people say that keeping a journal can be an outlet. I feel that once I start school I will need something to keep me in perspective. Plus, I can share all my gross nursing stories on here and not freak my husband out every night! (: I thought I would keep everyone updated on my journey through school--and give me a little break from studying (once it starts).


My husband is the best. <3